God First

"Jesus did not commit Himself unto them...for He knew what was in man." -John 2:24-25

Put God first in trust. Our Lord trusted no man; yet He was never suspicious, never bitter, never in despair about any man, because He put God first in trust; He trusted absolutely in what God's grace could do for any man. If I put my trust in human beings first, I will end in despairing of everyone; I will become bitter, because I have insisted on man being what no man ever can be-absolutely right. Never trust anything but the grace of God in yourself or in anyone else. God's trust is that He gives me Himself as a babe. God expects my personal life to be a "Bethlehem." Am I allowing my natural life to be slowly transfigured by the indwelling life of the Son of God? God's ultimate purpose is that His Son might be manifested in my mortal flesh.

"Never trust anything but the grace of God in yourself or in anyone else." To me, that's the most difficult to do. I am most definitely not allowing my life to be transfigured by the life of the Son of God. It's been so long since the last time I did QT's or even prayed. I remember there was this time last year where I went on a 6 months hiatus from church and ultimately God. I shunned religion and focused on believing solely in myself. I can do this, I can do everything, I don't need God to help me, the only person that'll help me is myself. At that time, I was never happy. I was always bitter and angry. Things never really went the way I wanted them to. I truly hated life and wished I wasn't part of this world. I guess this is what happens when you don't trust in God and you trust in your own understanding. It leads to hatred, pain, and bitterness. Thankfully, I started going back to church and although I'm still wavering in my faith, this is one step closer to that unwavering faith and trust in God. Hopefully, prayerfully, I will be able to trust God first and not man; slowly transfiguring by the life of the Son of God. One day with the help of God, I will fulfill His ultimate purpose that His Son might be "manifested in my mortal flesh." 

The Staggering Question

"Son of man, can these bones live?" -Ezekiel 37:3

Never trample in with religious common sense and say, "Oh, yes, with a little more bible reading and devotion and prayer, I see how it can be done." It is much easier to do something than to trust in God; we mistake panic for inspiration. We would far rather work for God than believe in Him. "Am I quite sure that God will do what I cannot do?" The degree in panic is the degree of lack of personal spiritual experience. 

"Behold, O my people, I will open your graves." When God wants to show you what human nature is like apart from Himself, He has to show it you in yourself. If the Spirit of God has given you a vision of what you are apart from the grace of God, you know there is no criminal who is half so bad in actuality as you know yourself to be in possibility. My "grave" has been opened by God and "I know that in me dwelleth no good thing." God's Spirit continually reveals what human nature is like apart from His grace. 

Honestly, I've had my doubts about God, faith, religion, etc. I've always said with minimal bible reading and prayer, I'll be cleansed; as if I'd be free of my sins. It's definitely easier to do something like play ball than to trust in God. With so many struggles and temptations, making a mistake is as easy as walking. Every sin is equal and we ask ourselves if we, a sinner, can be turned into a saint? Can that twisted life be put right? Quite frankly, I don't know if I'll ever be a saint, but I do know that God is the only one that knows. He put us in this certain path for a reason. We are human and God knows that. We make mistakes, we sin, we fall, we do everything wrong, and yet God is there protecting us, watching us, helping us. I know of these things but I still have a hard time trusting. Maybe one day I will trust God whole-heartedly, but today it ain't so. I hope as the days, weeks, months, years go by, I'll be able to look up to God and believe. I hope one day I can become a worker with God and not a worker for Him.